The truth is I have lost focus on my goals...and that focus has been lost for sometime now and I know why and how I lost that focus and I also knew I was reverting back to my comfort zone taking the easy route because facing some of the reality was too difficult too bare and truth was I don't know any different. I am ashamed to admit that the path I am on is the only one I know and I do not know how to break the cycle. I have repeated this cycle over and over again which has left me friendless and alone more than I would like to admit.  I acknowledge the err of my ways but for some reason I can not figure out how to prevent it from happening. It's second nature for me. I want to break the cycle, I want to rid my self of this self destructive behavior, I know why I do it but I don't know how to stop it. I have tried to stop it but it only last a short while and then I revert back to it because it's all I know.  I wish I could be open and honest and tell someone but I fear it will push the last of my friends away...and I don't have very many left. So I sit here and struggle with how to I take the next step and move forward and break this one self destructive behavior that holds me back. One day at a time, and refocus on my goals and don't let people or things cloud my focus or get in my way. Easier said than done, but I will attempt this feat (which seems impossible) once again and try to break this cycle.